cool funny jokes (sms)

haso to aise

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.

2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

10..Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

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Qantas Airlines Gripe sheet
Filed under: Funny by Sneha |

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problem they had with the airplane during the flight.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.

The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some ‘actual’ maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineer)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

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How exactly was the fire invented?
Filed under: Funny by Neha |
How exactly was the fire invented?
How exactly was the fire invented?

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[Funny] Corporate Lessons - Short Funny Stories with good morals
Filed under: Cool Stuff, Funny, Jokes by Shayar |

Corporate Lesson 1 -

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife
is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps
herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there
stands Bob,the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give
you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes
back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was
that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the
husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.

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mentos and soft drinks …. The Foutain fun
Filed under: Funny by Shayar |

Slow motion video showing whats happening inside a 2-liter bottle of diet soda when Mentos are dropped in — the carbon dioxide in the soda is attracted to the tiny crevices on the
Mentos and quickly combine to shoot out the top of the bottle ……


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A true love story
Filed under: Funny by Shayar |

A real story happens to a girl in chennai recently.. must read

Her name was Priya. She was hit by a lorry. She is working in a call centre. She has a boy friend named Shankar. Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone. You can never see her without her handphone. In fact she also changed her phone from Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost. She spends half of the day talking with shankar. Priya’s family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya’s family. (just imagine their love) . Before she passed away she always told her friends “If I pass away please burn me with my handphone” she also said the same thing to her parents. After her death, people cant carry her body, I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to carry the body, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called a person who know to one of their neighbours, who can speak with the soul of dead person , who is a
friend of her father. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.
After a few minutes, he said “this girl misses something here”. then her friends told that person about her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the grave box and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. after that they tried to carry the body. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked. Priya’s parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away. After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya’s mom. Shankar :….”Atte, I’m coming home today. Cook something nice for me.Dont tell Priya that I’m coming home today, i wanna surprise her.” Her mother replied….. “You come home first, I wanna tell you something very important.” after he came, they told him the truth about Priya.
Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said “dont try to fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her Please stop this nonsense”. then they show him the original death certificate to him. They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) He said… “Its not true. we spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Shankar was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar’s phone rang. “see this is from Priya, see this…” he showed the phone to priya’s family. all of them told him to answer.he talked using the loudspeaker mode. all of them heard his conversation. Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her SIM card since it is nailed inside the grave box they were so shocked and asked for the same person’s (who can speak with the soul of deal perosns) help again. He brought his master to solve this matter. He & his master worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing which really shocked them…

Vodaphone has the best coverage. Wherever you go, our network follows you !

Congrats, you wasted your ten minutes :) !

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Indian history by a Schoolboy [Funny Joke]
Filed under: Funny, Jokes by Shayar |

Indian History : Supposedly written by a schoolboy with all original spellings:

The original inhabitants of ancient India were called Adidases, who lived in two cities called Hariappa and Mujhe-na-Daro. These cities had the best drain system in the world and so there was no brain drain from them Ancient India was full of myths which have been handed down from son to father. A myth is a female moth. A collection of myths is called mythology, which means stories with female caricatures. One myth says that people in olden times worshipped monkeys because they were our incestors.

In olden times there were two big families in India. One was called the Pandava and the other was called the Karova. They fought amongst themselves in a battle called Mahabharat, after which India came to be known as MeraBharat Mahan.

In midevil times India was ruled by the Slave Dienasty. So named because they all died a nasty death. Then came the Tughlaqs who shifted their capital from Delhi because of its pollution. They were followed by the Mowglis. The greatest Mowgli was Akbar because he extinguished himself on the battlefield of Panipat which is in Hurryana. But his son Jehangir was peace loving; he married one Hindu wife and kept 300 porcupines. Then came Shahajahan who had 14 sons. Family planning had not been invented at that time. He also built the Taj Mahal hotel for his wife who now sleeps there. The king sent all his sons away to distant parts of India because they started quarrelling. Dara Seiko was sent to UP, Shaikh Bhakhtiyar was sent to J & K, while Orangezip came to Bombay to fight Shivaji. However,after that they changed its name to Mumbai because Shivaji’s sena did not like it. They also do not like New Delhi, so they are calling it Door Darshan.

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Damn funny clips : Kill Bill 2 Punjabi Dub
Filed under: Funny by Shayar |

Kil Bill Punjabi - Super funny

Serious guitar talent MUST watch ! lol

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[Funny] The 25 Funniest Analogies
Filed under: Funny by Neha |

The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writers. What do you think?

1. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problem they had with the airplane during the flight.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.

The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some ‘actual’ maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineer)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

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Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says ‘To the only boy I ever loved’
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them

Kuch nasha to aapki baat ka hai,
kuch nasha to dheemi barsaat ka hai,
humein aap yun hi sharabi na kahiye,
is dil par asar to aap se mulakat ka hai

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Cool & Funny SMS collection
Filed under: Funny, SMS by Shayar |

Ganguly’s Son:- “Yeh Kya, DADDY SIXER Per SIXER MAARE Jaa Rahe Hain..?”
Ganguly’s Wife:- “Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai…..!!..

Pyar to hamko bhi karna tha,
lekin baat khas hui nahi,
tajmahal to hamko bhi banwana tha,
lekin afsoss ki loan pass hui nahi…..!!!

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Shayari sms and Hindi Jokes
Filed under: Funny Shayari, SMS by Neha |

Dekha tujhe to rooh khush ho gayi,
Ek kami thi vo bhi puri ho gayi,
Pagal hain vo log jo kehte hain ki,
Chimpanzi ki aakhri nasal kahin kho gayi!!

********************************************

Mere Dil, Jiger, Kidney, Liver ho tum
waqt-bewaqt aaye vo fever ho tum
Doob kar jisme marr jaoo vo River ho tum
Mere jeevan mein ab to forever ho tum…

********************************************

Shaam hote hi ye Dil udaas hota hai
Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai
Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai
Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai..

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Funny SMS [Love] - 1
Filed under: Funny, Love / Pyaar, SMS by Shayar |

I am in hospital now. After 5 minutes, I will be transfered to a surgery room. The doctor told me, I will die if I stop RECEIVING YOUR SMS.

I have the “I”,I have the “L”,I have the “O”,I have the “V”,I have the
“E”,… so pls can I have “U”?

You must be a good runner because you are always running in my mind, you must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart, and i am always a bad shooter because I Miss You Always…

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344 Comments/Shayaris posted by users ·
Funny SMS for Friends (Hindi/Urdu)
Filed under: Funny, SMS by Shayar |

Humne jab kabhi khushi mehsoos ki, Her kadam pe aapki kami mahsoos ki,Door rehkar bhi aapki dosti kam na hoi, ya baat humne Dil se mahsoos ki..

Duniya main 3 chezee kabhi bhi aa sakti hai …paisa… …mout… …aur… … aur… …aur… mera SMS..

Dost 1 sahil hai tufan k liye Dost 1 ayina hay armano liye Dost 1 mahfil hai anjano k liye Dost 1 kwahish hai aap jaise dost paane k liye.

D se Dosti, D se Dil, D se Dard, D se Dillagi, D se Dewangi per D se itna bhi Dur na ho jana ki S se SMS our C se call bhi na kar sako…

Dosti achi ho tu rang lati hai, Dosti gehri ho tu sabki bhati hai, Dosti nadan ho tu toot jati hay, per dost hamse ho tu itihass ban jati hai…

Promise me v r true frindz, i’m lamp ur lite, i’m coke ur sprite, i’m saawan u r baadal, i’m normal ur pagal. ha ha ha

Sabse intelligent koun: TUM , sabse smart koun: TUM sabse storng koun: TUM in sab me TUM se zeyada koun: HUM lakin dunia me sabse acha dost kaun: HUM TUM

Na chahat hai sitaron ki, Na tamana hay nazaroon ki, Aap jaoisa ek dost mila tu kya zarorat hay hazaron ki..

Umid aise ho jo jeeny ko majbor kare, raah aisi ho jo chanle ko majbur kare. mahak kum na ho kabhi apni dosti ki, dosti aisi ho jo milne ko majbur kare..

Ya dil pyar ke qabil na raha, Koi bhi izhar ke qabil na raha,Is dil main bas gayi dosti aapki ab tu chand bhi deedar ke kabil na raha!kal ho na ho..aj tu hai…aaj ho na ho…ya pel tu hay..ya pal ho na ho..hum tu hian…hum ho na ho..humari dosti tu hay…

Aey mere SMS mere dost ke pass jana.. ager wo so rahi ho tu shor mat machana, jab wo jage tu dheere say MUSKURANA phir khana KUNJUS sms karoo!