| o sarda ji ro ra hai ho sardar gusse se ab kya hum ro bhi nahi sakte Man runs home shouting pack your bags honey, i just won 10 million in lottery. wife: Do i pack for beach or Resort ? Man : Who cares? just pack and get lost. |
| Thief : quickly hand over your purse I have a gun Lady : here take it Thief : ha! ha! no bullets in my gun. Lady : ha! ha! no money in my purse |
| Do you want to hear a dirty joke? B. Ok A. A white horse fell in the mud |
| A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Police officer. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying for years." |
| Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and a good cook..... But the law allows only one wife |
| Why there are always two cops in a car patrol ? A: In case the siren won't work, one of them to scream "Wouuuu-Wouuuuu" and the other - "Blue, Red, Blue, Red, Blue, Red.." |
| What do you call a letter delivered from a chimney? A. Black mail |
| Teacher: Sonu, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Sonu: No, teacher, it's the same dog |
| A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27 She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him that the room is empty "Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped." |
| What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor? A. A jeweler sells watches whereas a jailor watches cells! |
| Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married. I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear." The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons." |
| Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it will take just five minutes. Patient: And how much will it cost? Dentist: It's Rs 1000. Patient: One thousand for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like |
| I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" |
| A company held a contest for kids with the theme: "The nicest thing My Father Ever Did For Me." One kid answered "He married my mother." |
| The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up from the table and said, "I have to go back to the office. I forgot to lock the safe!" "What are you worried about?" the other said. "We're both here." |
| Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up? Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller. |
| Pappu: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Jeeto: Well, you have done the right thing. Pappu: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap |
| Man: Whisper those three words that will make me walk on air. Woman: Go hang yourself |
| A cop stops a drunk man and asks: Where you going? I'm going to listen the lecture about the harm of the drunkenness and alcoholism. At night? And who will give a lecture?My wife and mother-in-law! |
| A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked young Johnny, he said, "My father's dead, Miss." "Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?" "He went blue and collapsed." |
| Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did, you stupid bastard! |
| Two flies order some food in a restaurant. One says: I'll take the shit with garlic. And I'll take the same, but without garlic, said the other one. I don't like to have bad breath. |
| A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home |
| A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister," the judge began, "You ve been brought here for drinking." "Great," the drunk exclaimed." When do we get started?"… |
| Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination? A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything." |
| Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards? Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved' Gal: Great! I want 10 of them. |
| Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. |
| An englishman, bihari & punjabi were standing on roof. They decided to throw down whatever was available in excess with them. Englishman threw pounds, Bihari threw rice & Punjabi threw the Bihari down. |
| Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business? Student: "Father in law". |
| Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it. |
| Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated? Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash. |
| Why dogs don't marry? A: Because they are already leading a dog's life! |
| Boy: I am not rich like akash, I don't even have a big car like rohit. But I really love you! Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about akash. |
| In A Book Shop Prospective Husband : Do U hav a Book Called "Man, de Master of Women". SalesGirl : d fiction Dept is on d Other Side,Sir |
| An AMERICAN couple on african safari. Suddenly a huge lion springs up n seizes d wife wit its giant jaws.. Wife: "Shoot!, shoot for Christ's sake!" Hus: "I can't! I hav run out of film." |
| Girl: Do U love me?Boy:'Ofcourse darling i do. Girl:Wil U luv me after marriage also? Boy:Tht depends on ur husband. If he allows Me 2 luv u. |
| Question Girl : Do you love me ? Boy : Yes Dear Girl : Would you die for me ? Boy : No, mine is undying love! |
| What did Tarzan say when he heard the elephants coming? Here come the elephants! |
| Tourist: How would you describe the rain in this part of the country? Local: Little drops of water falling from the sky |
| Why do elephants never forget? Because nobody ever tells them anything |
| Lady2Doc:let my husband come inside.Doctor:Trust me,I am a Gentleman.Lady:I know,but Nurse is sitting outside &my husband is not A gentleMan |
| A Grl & a Boy were sitting alone.D Boy started touching D grl.Grl:dnt touch me,All this only aftr marriage. Boy:Ok,call me aftr marriage. |
| santa was looking very sad."Wats d matter,Srdarji?" "I lent Rs. 5Lac to a friend for plastic surgery. Now I dnt know how he looks.." |
| A woman was sitting at a bar when a man approached her and said, Hi, sweetie! Want a little company? Woman: Why? Do u have one to sell??? |
| Police to a drunkard: Where are you going? Man: To listen to a lecture on the ill effects of drinking, on health. Pol: Who'll lecture at Midnite? Man:My wife,. |
| Wife:Honey wht ru looking4? Husband:Nothing. Wife:Nothing?U've been reading our marriage certificate 4an hour?Husband:I was just luking 4d expriy date! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Frnd1: u have married with 1 of the twin sisters, how do u recognize ur wife? Frnd2: why should I ? : ) | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sardar to Mali : Go and water the garden. Mali : It's raining outside. Sardar : Bloody don't give excuses. Take umbrella and go. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Father: What was the hardest thing u learned at college?Son: How to open Beer bottles with teeth...!! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Lady1:"What do u think bout husbands?" Lady2:"They r like OWLS..!" Lady1:"How?"Lady2:"They see good things in their wives only in the night. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Srdr : What is the Guarantee for this mirror? Shopkeeper : Put Down from 100 feet of height. The mirror will not Break for the First 99 feets. Srdr:Wow | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| A new Boy joins class_ He finds two Boys similar in appearance. Asks one of them Are you both twins...? Boy replies No. We are neighbour | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| A boy saw a Beautiful Gal. He went & kissed her... GAL : "Stupid...! What're U doing...??" boy : "B Com final year...And U ??" | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Man to Doc:Is there any way for long life? Doc:Get married. Man:Will it help? Doc:No,but the thought of long life will never come to your mind | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| What is D diff. betwn a Secretary&a Personal Secretary? Secretary says,"Good Morning Sir"&Personal Secretary says,"Oh my God!Its morninG sir. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Technical question: Where u can find mangoes? ...no it is nt in mango tree ..shop?no wrong.. Ans: where WOMENgoes there MANgoes | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wife: Why are you home so early? Husband: My boss told me to go to hell. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Q:Why most men prefer to kiss women's lips? Ans:Thats the best & probably the only way to shut a woman's mouth. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Height of technical thinking... A software person falling from the roof of a building and shouting F1 F1 F1 instead of help help......!! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
Doc & engg loved d same girl. Engg before going out of station for a week gave 7 apples to the girl. Why? B'coz an apple a day keeps doctor away
|
