LAUFGHING SMS

Titanic was sinking.  An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?  Santa: 2 KMs.  Englishman jumped into sea.  Englishman: Now, which direction? Santa: Downwards!  Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.  Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?  Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.  Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators  A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.  Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.  Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!  Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.  Santa: Kya naam hai uska?  Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"  Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".  Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.  How did santa tried to kill a bird??  He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.  Santa: I have swallowed a kay.  Doctor: When?  Santa: 3 months back!  Doctor: What were you doing till now?  Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.  Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.  Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?  Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.  In a train compartment: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.  Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW  Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?  Santa: Suicide karne ke liye  Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?  Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye  Girl: Will u marry me?  Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se  Santa: Bhagwane suit bada sohna paya hai.  Jeeto: Thank u G  Santa: Lipstick badi sohni laayi aa.  Jeeto: Thank u G.  Santa: Shingaar v sohna kitaa aa.  Jeeto: Thank u G  Santa: Par sohni pher v nahi lagdi...  Santa ne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Santa te sussu karta.  Santa to nurse: Bibi eh piece leak karda hai badal k le aa..!  Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.  Gangubai: Kaun ?  Santa: Main !  Gangubai: Main kaun?  Santa: Tu Gangubai Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA  Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.  Nurse came out with the kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal  Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a to her: "I luv u sister."  Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?  Banta: Apple khane.  Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.  Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.  Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?  Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.  Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.  Santa: Who r u?  Girl: Seeta here.  Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.  Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai.  Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.  Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against tongue.?  Santa: Very long...!  Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.  Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.  Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.  Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?  Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.  Santa: Yaar mein apni  nu gift dena hai, ki devan?  Banta: Gold ring de de.  Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.  Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.  Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?  Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.  A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.  Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.  Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.  Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!  Santa: Why don't u cook something else? Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.  When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more  Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more.  Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.  Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.  Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.  Santa asked him: What are you doing?  Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.  An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?  Pappu: Pata nahi.  Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.  Pappu: Who's Banta?  Santa: Pata nai.  Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.  Jeeto yelled at santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!  Santa: Make up ur mind, which one is it gonna be! Santa went to see a gal for. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time santa asks: "behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?" Girl: "Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye."  Santa: Do you know English?  Banta: Yes  Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?  Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.  Santa apni GF ko  I love u kehta aur gir jata.  Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?  Santa : I am falling in love.